Mattson on Communication

Use your current Communication skills more often

2012-01-31T13:15:00.000-08:00

Often, improving communication skills will help with your organization’s morale and thus productivity. It can also increase sales on sales calls. You don’t have to try “new” techniques, or different ways of “manipulation;” all you need is to do is a few things you naturally do; however, you do them more often.

Try to do more of the following examples and you might be surprised at the huge impact these little things make:

Smile more. When dealing with employees, vendors, and customers try to smile while you are talking with them and make them feel you are happy they are talking with you.

Drop everything and listen. When someone wants to talk with you, put down your phone, turn away from your computer, stop writing notes, turn your chair towards the person, put your hands on your lap or at your side, look them in the eye and listen. Make that person feel like they are the most important person in the world to you at that time.

Catch people doing something right, or genuinely compliment people on specific behaviors. When your employee, vendor, or customer says something profound, stop and complement her/him on the idea, when you see someone behaving in a good way, stop and tell them how you noticed he/she was doing a good job on that particular act.

Make people feel you are glad to interact with them.
Try incorporating one or all four of these things in your everyday interactions and observe the huge paybacks for simply making people feel important.

Write me with your feedback.

Happy New Year!

2011-12-28T15:30:00.000-08:00

When it comes to clients, customers, prospects, family and friends, The Golden Rule, "do unto others as you'd have done unto you" is outdated.

Consider The Platinum Rule instead, "Do unto others as they would have done unto themselves."

Consider the slight difference.

Happy and Prosperous New Year

Have you earned your ethos today?

2011-12-05T13:08:00.000-08:00

Have you earned your ethos today?

Ethos is having good character, morality, and ethics.

In order to influence others, persuade, and sell, you must have ethos. However, ethos does not exist in your mind. Just thinking and saying you have it doesn't make it so. It is in the minds of others and the only way you can earn it is by doing good deeds.

Saying the following won't establish your ethos, and in most cases, is insulting to others:

Trust me
You can count on me
You can believe me
I wouldn't lie to you
I've been doing this for 16 years
I'm not lying
Honestly
You can take what I say to the bank
I'm going to be truthful
To be honest with you
To tell you the truth
I'm a good person

You must build ethos over time by looking out for the best interest of others. Your ethos exists only in their minds.

What did you do today to earn your ethos?

Rod Mattson December 2011

Mattson Communication Training
mattsoncommunication.com

Stand up and Speak up: Have a vision and sell it

2011-06-01T14:35:00.000-07:00

“More than anything, the difference between a leader and a manager rests on the status quo: Managers are willing to live with it, and leaders are not.

Leaders are the ones with vision, who inspire others and cause them to galvanize their efforts and achieve change. Managers, on the other hand, will follow standard operating procedure to their graves, if necessary, because they don’t possess the ability to change course.

Which do you suppose is the more important attribute to possess as we move into the next century?

The fact is, America and its business community have been managed to the edge of ruin, and now we’re in desperate need of leaders. Unfortunately, it is increasingly difficult to find men and women of vision who are willing to stand on principle and make their voices heard.”

—Warren Bennis

Professor Bennis wrote this in 1997, before executives of auto manufacturers flew to Washington D.C. in private jets asking for billions of dollars to keep their companies in business, before AIG got greedy with the huge in income from premiums for insuring bad loans, before rating agencies rated BBB bonds as AAA for a little extra fee, before the American Dream of owning your own house was shattered because you couldn’t afford it, before the Wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, before jets crashed in to the World Trade Center Towers, the Pentagon, and Pennsylvania, etc.

Bennis is right, we need leaders. My theory is we have them; but, they refuse to stand up and speak. To paraphrase Martin Luther King Jr. “I am not concerned with bad people doing bad things, I am concerned with the good people who see bad things and do nothing.”

There are many reasons why people won’t develop a vision, stand up and speak out; I can understand many of the reasons; however, it’s time; we are making too many bad decisions. Say what you want about President Obama, he is a leader with a vision, he is just having a hard time selling the vision for various reasons.

Let’s commit to one of two things: stand up to help sell his vision or stand up, share, and work for “buy in” to an alternative vision.

On a more micro level, you can start in your organization or community.

If you cannot stand up and lead, then learn how.

Source: Managing People is Like Herding Cats by Warren Bennis (1997) Publishers Press

Multiple Intelligences: Is Formal Education Needed for Everyone?

2011-05-20T21:18:00.000-07:00

To me, it is cruel to treat children and adults like they are stupid or morons because they didn’t or don’t do well in school. Oftentimes, people who have a tough time in school start to identify themselves as dumbasses because they have been told such since grade school.

Yet, the world is filled with famous, successful, and happy people who did poorly in school or never finished grade school let alone earn a high school diploma.

Today we are told that only with a college degree do we have a chance to succeed; yet, even with only a high school diploma, there is very little hope. However, we have heard many examples of famous, successful, happy people who never went to or completed college: athletes, movie stars, musicians, outdoorsmen, artists, builders, contractors, salespeople, etc.

Why is that?

Why can people do so well without a formal education when we are told that we cannot succeed without such education? The world is full of examples.

The reason is Multiple Intelligences.

For all those who were told you are an idiot, a moron, a dumbass, a loser, can’t focus, can’t apply yourself, lazy, just don’t get it, a waste of space, etc, I have good news for you. Those people who told you such things were just plain wrong.

Failing or just barely getting by in school is no sign of a poor intelligence, nor a predictor of future success. Schools just don’t teach to your intelligence. It’s not your fault. Our education system is way too far behind.

According to Psychologist and Social Scientist, Howard Gardner, seven intelligences are identified:

1. Musical: The brain controls perception and production of music

2. Bodily-Kinesthetic: Control of body movement
Logical-Mathematical: The process of problem solving and scientific inquiry

4. Linguistic: The gift of language and the skill in understanding syntax, semantics, and grammar

5. Spatial: Required for navigation, visualizing objects from different angles, and playing chess

6. Interpersonal: A core capacity to notice distinctions among others

7. Intrapersonal: Knowledge of the internal aspects of a person

The core curriculum of our schools is based on only two intelligences: Logical-Mathematical and Linguistic. Therefore, if you are not skilled or interested in these two intelligences, you may be labeled stupid, lazy, and all the bad labels I mentioned above.

The problems with this labeling are plentiful: it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy, and we identify ourselves as being useless. Oftentimes, we then behave as a lazy person, a black sheep, a castoff, a bad person, a bad citizen, etc.

What about the people who are good at selling, playing sports, repairing cars, machining parts, cleaning buildings, growing plants, developing ideas, understanding others, navigating ships, rescuing lost hikers and skiers, exploring new frontiers, etc? These things are not taught in school.

Sure, there may be a class or two; however, if you don’t succeed in the main two intelligences, then you just don’t cut it!

To be sure, learning, practicing, and developing the other skills of music, sports, orienteering, selling, customer service, are important; however, our culture puts a premium on only two intelligences. Yes, we could be spending that time developing the other intelligences and succeeding at a young age with a healthy self concept and esteem.

I for one am happy to have discovered Gardner’s work. It has let me rethink my identity and let me explore my own intelligence which led to teaching a subject that isn’t even taught in grades K-12—communication studies.

Source: Multiple Intelligences: The Theory in Practice by Howard Gardner (1993) BasicBooks A Division of HarperCollins Publishers, Inc.

Speak Up Speak Out

2011-05-18T21:16:00.000-07:00

In order for our democracy to work, there must be a place at the table for everyone. Unfortunately, that is not always the case. Even the Framers of the Bill of Rights left out the slaves, Native Americans, and anyone else who wasn’t white.

“We hold these truths to be self-evident that all men are created equal. That they are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights. That among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.”—Barack Obama quoting the Bill of Rights in his speech at the 2004 Democratic National Convention

This notion is what makes America great; however, in reality, it has been a tough road for all those who have come before us. We now stand on the shoulders of all those generations of good hard working Americans trying to live the American Dream by doing the right things; and those Americans filled with prejudice, discrimination, and hate. Even with the bad folks, we are still better off every generation. The American Dream works for many; but, not all—yet.

Forty plus years later after Robert Kennedy observed, “In forty years from now, it will be possible for a Negro to be elected President like my brother” in response to the change brought by the brave Freedom Riders of the early 1960’s. Even though it rattled many of the Freedom Riders and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr, Kennedy’s observation became prophetic. And, as President Obama says, “My story can only happen in America.” Yet, we still have a ways to go.

We have a Black man in the White House; this fact shows we have come a long way since the First Continental Congress, the Civil War, Selma, Birmingham, Memphis, and the Civil Rights Act of 1964; however, we still don’t have everyone at the table. We still deny some Blacks, Asians, Native Americans, Latinos, Women, Gays, and Lesbians.

Personally, to my disappointment, I have no powerful emotion/passion to any of these causes because even though I grew up in a poor neighborhood, my parents still provided what we needed, I was always safe, and I was taught the American work ethic. In the 1950’s though we still had the prevailing feeling was “at least we’re not black.” I have never experienced discrimination. I never bought into that feeling. People are people was my thoughts; however, over the years, I’d catch myself being a product of my environment and caught myself perpetuating prejudice behavior. It took a workshop called the Color of Fear to get down to my innate biases. This started my introspection to change my behavior.

Despite my sheltered upbringing in a “white” world, I do have a powerful passion for justice. I just didn’t know how to channel it. The terms “Liberty” and “Justice” mean different things to different races and ethnicities. However, the Bill of Rights says, “All men are created equal.”

As I experience and observe racism and hate in our beautiful Country, I wonder, where is the justice? When I see a Black man go to jail for life over petty crimes because of three strikes laws, then I see a 20 year old white male blast the life out of 4 adults by running a red light because he is high on marijuana even admitting to the police that “I am pretty high” and he receives less than eight years, I wonder, “It’s 2011! Where is the justice?”

Game Change for Me

Because of this passion for justice in our society, I decided to teach people to stand up and speak so they can take their rightful place at the table. I was always afraid to stand up and speak because of stage fright and a reluctance to “get involved.” However, when I read the Letters from the Birmingham Jail written by Martin Luther King Jr., combined with my education and observations, my energy and passion began to come together for my cause—a cause that was lacking in my life: Teach others to speak up speak out for justice.

Those words paraphrased here are part of what has driven me since 1990 to do something to make a difference. The meaning I understood from King follows: “I’m not concerned with the bad people who do bad things, I am concerned about the good people who witness bad things and do nothing.” (Again, these words are paraphrased because they stick in my mind better.)

I looked for a way I could get involved with passion. Since I had no passion for any societal issues—sure I had opinions and feelings about abortion, the death penalty, drunken drivers, seatbelts, a clean environment, battered women, elderly care, the U.S. Budget, notions of Republicans and Democrats being enemies, red states, blue states, divisive rhetoric, campaign contribution laws, Unions, the Supreme Court, gay marriages, wars, crime, etc; however, I never did anything about them. Since there was no tragedy in my life or in the lives of anyone close, I didn’t have that fire to stand up and do something. My life has been blessed with relative peace since I was born. I can’t remember a time when the people around me didn’t have my best interests in mind. I was a good person who did nothing!

The bad people have shown themselves to me. The people who tell others there is no place at the table for them are exposed. The Church that tells my Mom they don’t have a place for her gay relative, the people in Tennessee who tell the Muslims there is no place for them in their town, the bureaucrats who tell the Native Americans we didn’t really mean it when we signed those treaties—“we thought you knew that,” the jock sniffer who hands out wads of cash to hang with a black athlete then shuns him when his playing days are over, the young black, Latino, and Asian kids that get stopped by the police because “they must be up to something bad,” and the Latino’s who get asked for their “papers” to prove they are Americans. Even our President was forced to show “his papers.” Liberty and Justice for all? I don’t see it yet.

I teach people to stand up and speak up speak out for their place at the table. I have found that demanding doesn’t often work; however, in the style of President Obama, persuasion does work. Demanding respect, justice, input, being part of decision making, understanding, etc does not work. We have to learn to persuade the people at the table to give everyone her/his rightful place. America has a place for everyone—no exceptions.

This skill I teach is public speaking. I know a lot of people are afraid of public speaking; but, our ideas, input, innovation, critical thinking, etc are too important to hold back because of our personal fear of public speaking. We have to take the focus off ourselves and place it on others that need our help. Everyone must take their place at the table for his/her cause.

I teach people to manage the fear, to analyze the others at the table, and persuade those others to offer everyone his/her rightful place.

We need all of you to step up. Don’t stand around and stay uninvolved. If you do, then you have to take what you get. If you get involved, speak up speak out, then the ideals of the Bill of Rights will become reality. It can’t happen without all of us. I can help you.

Do you take Introducing a Speaker too lightly?

2011-05-17T13:57:00.001-07:00

Delivering the Professional Introduction
The Speech of Introduction
Introducing a speaker is a much overlooked skill. While speaking on a circuit this winter and spring, I noticed that about 1 person at every 15 speeches I gave introduced me properly. I even wrote out an introduction for every event; however, only a few tried to use it while adlibbing and 2 people actually read it. The only two introductions that set the tone properly were those same two readers.
My name is Rod Mattson; however, I have been introduced as Todd, Ron, Rob, Ned, Ted (and just about any other three letter name); also, the speaker, this guy, do you want to come up now, go ahead and finish eating—I guess I don’t have anything else so do you want to come up now? You get the idea. Most of the time, I end up introducing myself.
Most people think it so easy they can do it in their sleep and no preparation is needed or it is not important. WRONG! This is such a big part of the program that professionals practice several times before introducing a speaker. Being in an informal setting is no excuse. If you are expecting the speaker to show respect by being prepared and keeping your audience engaged, then you too should be prepared too.
It is not a hard task to master; but, it does take know how, preparation, and practice. In my experiences, it has not been the fault of the person doing the introduction because I don’t believe they were taught how, or vastly underestimate its importance.
In the following, I will show you how to systematically write a speech to introduce a speaker in 5 easy steps. It will make you look like a professional speaker—even if you simply read it—and gain the respect of the audience and the speaker. You can compose your speech using this booklet; then, you can write out your introduction speech on the inside covers of this booklet, and simply read it too the audience.
The speech of introducing a speaker sets the tone for the speaker and helps the speaker with getting the attention of the audience. It also shows you and your organization's commitment to professional excellence.
Note: It is critical to know the pronunciation of the speaker's first and family name. People's names are very important and if you can pronounce their names properly, you will gain the respect of the audience and the speaker. How many times have you heard the person introducing a speaker by saying, "I am not sure of the pronunciation of his/her name, but here she/he is." How about seeing the one introducing the speaker look over to the speaker and asking how to pronounce his/her name?
The time to ask for help in pronunciation is not in front of an audience. The speaker deserves better respect. If you think mispronouncing people's names is no big deal, then go visit any town or city and you will see streets, buildings, and hi-ways named after them. These dedicated people worked hard and spent their life building their character and reputation while contributing to their communities. Let's honor these folks starting with the proper pronunciation of their names.
The main point to learn here, is "practice" your introduction as much as you would for any speech. Practice on introductions, giving awards, or receiving awards is every bit as important as a keynote address.
The following are 5 steps for introducing a speaker. It is best to introduce a speaker in this linear fashion and be brief. Do not try to speak about the speaker's topic and steal his/her thunder. And, one more thing to remember, the audience did not come to listen to you, they are there to listen to the guest speaker.
Step One
Topic: Simply state the topic first (do not introduce yourself).
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Step Two
Benefit—Tell the audience the benefits of listening to this speaker: Answer this question, why is this topic important to the audience? You must relate to the audience how the speaker can help them get what they need to know or expect to learn. The speech must have something in it for the audience. Answer some or all of the following questions: How will the audience be better off after the presentation? What can the audience take back home or work after listening to this presentation?
You have to make the connection for the audience on what benefit they will receive by listening to this speech.
Note: Be very careful that you don't build up the speaker to the point that the audiences expectations will be impossible to meet. For example, if you are introducing a comedian, don’t say, “Alana is the funniest person in the world.” Who can live up to that?
Write why the topic is important to the audience here.
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Step Three
Present the Speaker's Credibility: Tell the audience the answers to some or all of the following questions: Why should the audience listen to the speaker? What credentials related to this topic does the speaker possess? How long has the speaker been involved in this topic? What awards, certificates, or experience does the speaker have relating to this topic?
Note: If the speaker has many credentials, do not list them all. A couple will do just fine. Have you ever listened to someone go on and on about the accomplishments of a speaker? It’s too boring to the audience and most won’t remember anyway. Two or three that relate to the occasion or the audience are fine.
Write the Speaker’s credibility here.
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Step Four
Welcome the Speaker by Name: You can use any of the following phrases:
Ask the audience…

· To show appreciation

· To help you welcome

· To give a warm reception

· To give an enthusiastic welcome

· To give a rousing round of applause

· To give it up

· To give a (name of organization) welcome

Then say the speaker’s name.
Make sure your language choices are appropriate for the occasion. In other words, a speaker introduction at an MTV awards show would be much different than an introduction at a business convention of accountants or at a service club.
Note: Give the Speaker's name very clearly. Look at the audience when saying the speaker's name, not the speaker. The speaker already knows her/his name. It is good to have a pause between the first and family name. One way is to look at one side of the audience when stating first name, then look to the other side and state the family name. You can also do this technique by looking at the front row of the audience for the first name, then the back of the audience the family name.
The key here is to not say the name so fast it runs together in the audiences’ minds. State first name clearly and enthusiastically, pause, look to the other side and say the last name clearly and enthusiastically.
Write the speaker’s name here and write “pause and look to the other side of the audience” between the two names to remind you.
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Step Five
Lead the Applause: After stating the speaker's name with correct pronunciation, you face the audience and lead the applause (hand clapping). Then, you pivot to the speaker and continue your applause for a brief few seconds. This shows respect for the speaker. You then pass the speaker in a pre-arranged fashion i.e. you shake hands, you smile at each other and pass on the right, you hug, etc. Whatever you do is fine; however, plan it ahead of time and practice it at least once. This will avoid the awkwardness of bumping into each other because one was passing on the right, and the other passing on the left.
Things that can cause awkwardness:

· One holding out a hand for a handshake, and the other is so caught up in the moment s/he does not see to accept the handshake

· One planning on a traditional business handshake, and the other going for the bumping of closed fist knuckles

· Some other cultural style of handshake the other isn’t expecting.

The type of handshake or hug is not important; however, both knowing and using the same type is important. Practicing for proper performance will add to the credibility of both and avoid any awkwardness in front of an audience. The goal is for the audience not to notice any kind of mistake or awkwardness at this point.
The introduction should be written by the speaker and given to the introducer far enough in advance for the introducer to have time to practice.
Introducers, please call the speaker as far in advance of the presentation as is possible so you can get all the information you need to give a nice respectful introduction. This way you will have ample time to prepare and practice.
Speakers, please do not make it difficult for the introducer. Give the person introducing you the above information so he/she can practice. Otherwise, the audience can feel uncomfortable if the introduction is rough and clearly not practiced. It shows a lack of preparation and respect by you and the introducer towards the audience.
Write your plan here for bringing the speaker to the podium.
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The following is an example of one of the introductions I send ahead of time to the person who is going to introduce me. I send an introduction for every speech and amazingly, most people do not follow it.
When done properly, it sounds smooth and sets the right tone:

Our Topic tonight is Conflict Management

It is important to all of us as we all have conflict in our lives. It causes unnecessary stress and anxiety. Conflict can be found in relationships at home, at work, in clubs, and any other social situation. All of us are interested in solid advice on how to manage conflict better

Rod Mattson is the CEO of Mattson Communication Training and an Adjunct Professor of Communication Studies at Green River Community College

Please help me welcome

Rod (pause and look to the other side) Mattson

Lead the Applause.

Read my introduction out loud. You get the idea. See how easy this is to write and say. It will make you look like a great communicator.
Now, write your introduction using this booklet, and transfer your written introduction to the inside cover of this booklet after you tear out the pages. Fold it backwards and put it in your pocket.

Mattson Communication Training

Made to Stick

2011-05-11T15:22:00.001-07:00

When giving instructions as a manager, or when speaking to groups, it is important to follow six principles. All the statistics, charts, and graphs in the world won’t “stick” in people’s minds even close to the effectiveness of these principles. And, that is our goal right—to say things in such a way that the listeners remember?

Chip Heath from the Business Graduate School of Stanford University and his brother and Dan Heath a former researcher at the Harvard Business School have documented these principles in their in depth studies on ”the stickiness factor” of getting audiences to remember what you say.

Principle 1: Simplicity. Get your idea down to a one sentence statement

Principle 2. Unexpectedness. Violate peoples expectations, do something they don’t expect.

Principle 3. Concreteness. Make your idea clear.

Principle 4. Credibility. Get People to believe your idea.

Principle 5. Emotions. Get people emotionally involved in your idea.

Principle 6. Stories. Relate your ideas into stories people can connect to in their minds. Use a narrative.

These principles can be remembered using the following mnemonic: Succes.

I have found that fitting all these principles into my presentations and giving instructions has vastly improved my effectiveness. It will for you too.

Source: Made to Stick by Chip Heath & Dan Heath Random House New York 2007.

Rod Mattson May 2011

Six Tips to Get Others to Do What You Want Them to Do Because They Want to Do It

2011-04-20T16:55:00.000-07:00

Red Squares Snatch Victory over Blue Squares in Last Round

The Red Squares turned a sure defeat to the Blue Squares into a victory at The Exertion of Influence Squares Feud on In-Service Day. The competition appeared one sided through out most of the game as the Blue Squares dominated each of the first three rounds; however, in round four, Jessica Gilmore came up with the highest point answer—Apologize—to the question “What do you do when you find out you were wrong in blaming others.” It was worth 62 points which was tripled in the last round. Red Squares won 257 to 198 for the Blue Squares.

The game was modeled after the popular game show Family Feud. The purpose was to have all questions and survey answers on the theme of persuasion: “Getting people to do what you want them to do because they want to do it.”

A seven question survey about how to persuade were given to 78 participating Green River students and tallied into the top 5 answers. (A special thanks to Jeff Perlot for taking a portion of his class time to have his students complete the survey.) The game participants were asked the questions and attempted to match the survey answers.

The audience was enthusiastic in supporting both Red Squares and Blue Squares; everyone was a Square of one color or the other.

The teams didn’t play for prizes, money, or trophies—simply for prestige and notoriety. Lansing Andolina promised space in the CommuniGator with picture for the winning squares.

The Red Squares consisted of Chitra Solomonson, Phil Ray Jack, Jessica Gilmore, Dana Davis, and Tina Christensen.

Special recognition goes to four participants: Oksana Knayz for flawless score keeping, Paul Mueller for keeping track of point awarding answers and the dreaded “X” answers, Ana Morales for her stellar note taking that makes this article possible, and lastly to Lyuda Zadneprovskaya for winning the “face off” round at the end standing in front of over 40 people and firing off point winning answers impressing the audience because English is her second language.

After the Red Squares celebrated victory with a picture taking session, all the Squares broke into groups to meet the goal of the workshop: discover six tips gleaned from the game that help squares get other squares to do what they want them to do because they want to do it. The following are the Squares’ findings and good tips for all of us:

1. 1. Tell them why you are asking them to do something

Build your Character (ethos) in the eyes of others: Have empathy and humility
Use evidence to show other’s it’s in their best interest
Do not engage in arguing (keep it as a discussion)
If you are wrong, admit it emphatically
Do not point out other people’s faults—don’t make it personal; stick to the issue

A thank you to all the Squares at the workshop and remember “in order to persuade the fish to bite your hook, you have to find out what the fish want and give it to them.”

Note: The title of this blog is a quote from Warren Bennis. It is his observation of Leadership.

Empathy

2011-04-04T14:42:00.000-07:00

Last Friday, Julian Schnabel, a documentary film maker was a guest on the Real Time with Bill Maher Show. Bill asked him about his latest documentary and he responded that he just completed one that was about Israel and Palestine from the Palestinian point of view. This is remarkable because Julian Schnabel is a Jew.

Bill responded, "Now there's an idea, look at things from the others point of view." Bill observation is right on; there is a word for it: empathy.

I learned about empathy in my late 20's and it is one of the best things to every happen to me as far as getting along with others. If you are empathetic (putting yourself into the shoe's of others and trying to see the world from their points of view), it is assumed you have listening and understanding skills too. It shows a genuine interest in other people.

Bill Maher and I agree the world will be a much better place if we could all try to empathize with others. Why would we think we are the only person in the room who is right? Why would we not try to understand others? This can be done on a macro and micro level. Neighbors, friends, families, workers, races, ethnicities, nationalities, and political parties would all get along better. And in the U. S. Congress, things might get done faster.

The vitriol we are witnessing in Wisconsin, Ohio, Michigan, Arizona, and other states would diminish and our government could get to the work of the people by actually working together.

My relationships at work, with family, and friends has had a major drop in stress and we are able to get past petty differences and live our lives in fun and peace. I believe that it can be done on the macro level too.

Let's not draw lines in the sand; instead, let's consider others ideas, positions, and issues in order to try to see why they think the way they do. It will lead to better insights and we'll get more things done.

Julian Schnabel, a Jew, is on to something by doing a documentary looking at the problems in the Middle East from the Palestinians point of view. Let's all work to improve our empathy.

Conflict Management- Dealing with difficult people

2011-03-15T13:52:00.000-07:00

Part 1: Aggressive Difficult People

Do any of the following examples sound familiar?

“Michelle, will you come into my office please” ordered her boss Ron.

As Michelle entered the office, Ron closed the door and went into an immediate tirade.

“I told you and everyone else that there was to be no food in the work area! For some reason, you didn’t think I was serious. You know we have a problem here with germs; yet you purposely defied my order. What is wrong with you? Can’t you do anything right? You just don’t seem to want to listen to me so I have to write you up. It’s not my choice, you brought this on yourself! I don’t know how long we can keep you here if you won’t follow the rules!”

Larry screamed to Sheila,

“What are you—an idiot? You are so stupid; I don’t know why anyone would want you. You embarrass me all the time. My friends come over and think you run my life. Next time you want to correct me, you do it in private—not in front of everybody. You are always doing this to me and I’m not going to put up with it anymore.”

Does this sound familiar, or some version of something that has happened to you at work or at home?

These are examples of a bull.

The two examples shown above are men; however, women can be just as effective at being a bull. While researching for this series of articles, I found lots of tips for dealing with difficult people; however, they all gave the same tips for all difficult people. The problem is dealing with a bull or bully takes different strategies than dealing with other difficult people such as the “Know it all” or “Slippery Pete.” Yes we have many names for many types of difficult people.

With the help of my research assistant, Shannon, we have identified 9 difficult people (there are many more) and categorized them into three areas: Aggressive People, Attention Seekers, and Stressed out People.

In the next few blogs we will describe the person using our pet names, and give some tips on how to deal with them. It takes different strategies for each person. One size does not fit all. First, we will discuss the “Bull.”

Examples of the Bull opened this article. She/he is usually incompetent, devious, deceptive, evasive, manipulative - and cheats. The Bull wants you to feel shame, embarrassment, guilt, and fear so s/he can control you. Sometimes you need help to deal with the Bull. The following are some tips.

· React differently to the Bull: Be calm and stand up

· Give the bull time to blow off steam and run out of things to say.

· Get the Bull to sit down and you sit next to the Bull. Do not put a desk or table between you.

· Talk for yourself only using “I” statements and observations

· Avoid a battle; this will only escalate the Bull

If you can not stop the Bull from Bullying, start keeping a journal. The Bull will try to build a power coalition against you and will get others to believe you are the problem. The Bull will lie and explain every incident away as your fault. If you keep a journal, you can establish a pattern and the Bull will not be able to explain away a pattern. Also, a journal will calm you down.

Life is too short, we don’t want to get our feathers ruffled the minute we drive into the parking lot at work or home and see the Bull’s car. That seems to ruin the day at the get go. Don’t avoid the Bull, you will suffer and the Bull will find satisfaction with getting to you. Follow these tips and start to enjoy work and family again.

Help your audience hear what you are saying

2011-03-04T12:08:00.000-08:00

Are you contributing to better listening?

How do we increase the effectiveness of our message and get the listeners to listen better?

Six strategies will help your presentation be dynamic and memorable. All strategies involve analyzing your listeners. Take the time to get to know your audience, then apply the following strategies:

One, make it interesting to that group by personalizing your message for them.

Two, use visual aids to make your talk memorable, interesting, and clear. Remember, a picture is worth a thousand words. Visual aids are especially effective with a group of International listeners.

Three, change your voice tone, pitch, and volume during your presentation. Nothing puts people to sleep faster than a monotone voice or a tired presenter.

Four, use movement when delivering your presentation. Try not to pace, but move around the room and engage the audience.

Five, make eye contact with as many listeners as possible. Give each listener the feeling you are talking to each one personally.

But, that was only five, what about the sixth one, you may be asking right now. Good observation. I have separated the sixth one out because it is the most important.

Six, use REPETITION in your presentation.

There is an old maxim for public speakers: Tell them what you are going to say, tell them, then, tell them what you said. This maxim is so true and so powerful. Many folks resist this because they think it will be insulting the listeners; however, you will never insult the listeners this way.

In fact, they will appreciate this strategy.

Don’t do this in your writing because if the reader doesn’t understand something or “drifts off” while reading, s/he can go back and reread. However, when “drifting off” while listening, the listener cannot go back and re-listen. So it is the responsibility of the speaker to say it again.

So the strategy of repetition has three parts:

Introduction: tell the listeners what you will be speaking about.

Body: tell the listeners your information with clear points all supported by evidence.

Conclusion: tell them what you said with one example to jog their memory back to what you said.

The Pay Off:

It is so important that we understand why listeners do not hear or understand everything we say. With this understanding we can use the six strategies to help them understand our message. We will have more patience and the listeners will be more informed.

What do cows drink?

2011-03-04T11:24:00.000-08:00

Are you a good listener?

Have you ever held a department meeting and gave specific instructions for a new procedure and someone raises a hand and asks, “How are we supposed to do the new procedure?” Have you ever given your class an assignment and said it was due on Thursday, then right after saying so, someone raises a hand and asks, “When is this due?” Can you think of any other dumb questions you get during a meeting because people don’t listen? I am sure you can.

When talking to a group of people, this will always happen. In the next post, I will list six strategies to help with reducing those questions and helping your listeners understand your message more clearly.

Many of the principles discussed here are also applicable to relationships.

Social Science researchers claim that people listen only 25% percent of the time when someone else is talking. Do you agree with this statistic? Upon further examination of this information we understand that many things are going on in our lives. Folks are bored, tired, sick, or are having conflict with family, co-workers, the boss, and/or neighbors. Some are day dreaming, some are worried, and some are hungry. This statistic is starting to make sense, isn’t it?

In a survey conducted by Ron Adler, social scientist and author, he surveyed 4,400 college students in 1999 on their listening during an hour long presentation. Here are his results:

12% were actively listening to everything;

20% were listening most of the time; but, admitted to “zoning out” at times;

20% were worried about something in their lives;

20% were daydreaming;

20% were having erotic thoughts (remember, they are college students),

8% were thinking about what they were going to eat for lunch.

If we take the generally accepted notion that people, on average, listen only 25% of the time to what is being said, and compare this notion to Adler’s study which concludes that only 32% (12% plus 20%) are listening at any given time, then this statistic gains validity.

Now, let’s combine this statistic with another one. It is pretty well documented by the psychology field that when people listen, they can only remember 50% of what they hear immediately after hearing it. Can you think of several reasons for this? The reasons are numerous: rapid thought, stress, defensive listening, waiting for the other to stop talking so we can say what we want to say, pseudo-listening because we are busy, lack of interest, illnesses, medicine, and on and on.

Then, after eight hours, they remember only 25% of what they heard, and it slowly fades away even more after those eight hours.

Do you see the problem here?

If people are listening 25-32% of the time and they only remember, on the average, 50% of what they hear, then we have a real challenge of getting our message across. How do we increase the effectiveness of our message and get the listeners to listen better? We’ll answer that in the next post.

Are we working "harder not smarter" when it comes to the job search?

2011-03-01T13:19:00.000-08:00

The panic inducing lay off notice!

Everyone dreads the job search. Often, we would rather stay in a job we hate because at least we know what we have than to experience the uncertainty of looking for a new job, new boss, new way of doing things, and new people.

Suddenly, we get that pink-slip! Once we find ourselves out of work, the panic often sets in. The uncertainty is overwhelming and when we reason in times of uncertainty and stress, we function with our weakest personality type. We seem to become someone else.

The first thing most people tend to do (I went straight home and plopped into bed for two days) is get on the Internet and look for jobs at the various job sites. We see this glimmer of hope—there are jobs listed in our field. Then we proceed to painstakingly fill out online resumes, job applications, and other forms. It takes hours and then we sit back and wait for an answer. Depending on the job, mostly an answer never comes. “Why?” We ask ourselves. “What’s wrong with me? Why aren’t employers interested in me? I must be a loser.”

The second thing most people tend to do is to read classified ads in the Sunday newspaper and respond to each interesting ad. The problem here is that everyone else has already seen this job posting and has also responded. Now you are competing with hundreds of people, not just a few.

This is the extent of most people’s job search and this is where they spend most of their time looking for work.

It pains me to see people limiting themselves to the two worst ways to look for a job. I saw a report on the NBC Nightly News on March 11, 2009 where a man took a “survival job” as a janitor to help make ends meet at home. He started each day spending over 3 hours searching the Internet and sending out electronic resumes. He was saddened and depressed that no one responded to his posts.

Does this sound familiar? Richard Bolles, states in his book, What Color is Your Parachute?, that out of every 100 people looking for a job on the Internet, only 4 will be successful. Another study done in 2005, says there are over 40,000,000 resumes floating around out there on the Internet. Richard Bolles also claims that only 12 out of 100 people will find a job through the classified ad section of the Sunday newspaper.

No wonder that hard working guy on the NBC Nightly News is having a hard time finding a suitable job.

The good news is that there are employers out there looking for you, and they are having a big problem—finding you. Not all companies are suffering through rough times in this economy, many are growing. Other companies are losing good employees through normal attrition or to competitors looking to lure away the best people they can find in a challenging economy. These all create new openings. Being out of work, our job is to identify these employers and make it easier for those employers to find you.

Adults learn differently than children

2011-02-25T14:06:00.000-08:00

Adults follow instructions differently than children.

These statements sound like common sense; however, managers tend to teach and talk to adult workers as if they are children. This isn’t the fault of managers; this is how managers learned to manage—from people who taught applying pedagogy practices (pedagogy is the study on how children learn).

For example, at a meeting, I asked the 28 adult participants to move the tables and chairs into a different configuration. I even drew the configuration on the whiteboard. Some stood and looked like deer in headlights (they froze), others just sat there, and a few began trying to move the tables without moving chairs—no planning. It was a disaster with mass confusion.

Last year, I visited a 6^th grade classroom at the invitation of my friend, Ken Rubin—the teacher. He invited me to talk about persuasion to the children. The first thing I did was to have them reconfigure the room of tables and chairs. I drew the picture on the board and those children got right at it with no hesitation. Within minutes, the room was rearranged and the children were all sitting at a table eagerly waiting on my next word.

The adults were still fiddling around after 5 minutes on how to proceed. They finally started talking to one another, and one person “stepped up” to be the leader and gave instructions. I simply sat back and watched.

After they finally got the room into my desired configuration, they were unsure where to sit. Finally, after a little over 10 minutes of fiddling around, we were ready to start the intended exercise. However, watching the uncertainty and the stress on the adult’s faces, it was clearly a learning opportunity.

I asked the group, why this seemingly easy task became so hard. I told them about the 6^th grade class that completed the tasks in minutes with no hesitation. Some of the responses were, “I guess we’re not as smart as 6^th grades,” “We weren’t sure what you wanted,” “I don’t know.” One adult suggested that she didn’t know why I was asking them to change the room. Bingo!

It’s not that 6^th graders are smarter; it’s that they are willing to do what the teacher asks without question.

According to several adult learning theorists such as Malcom Knowles, Carl Rogers, Jerome Bruner, and Robert MacGregor, adults need to know the objective of the exercise first: why they are learning the concept, how will it benefit them, and how they can be involved in developing the process to get it done.

They pay off to managers from this example is the following:

Give clear instructions and don’t assume the person(s) received the same message.
Tell the group the objective of the task or learning
Tell them how you plan to reach the objective with their cooperation
Invite anyone in the group to offer a different or better idea on how to accomplish the task or learning
Facilitate a discussion on the pros and cons of each idea.
Settle on one idea
Get started
Evaluate after the task or learning is completed.

Applying these tips of Androgogy (the term coined by Malcom Knowles as the study of how adults learn) will make organizations more efficient, build teamwork, and help managers understand that their subordinates aren’t stupid; but, very intelligent critical thinkers.

The pay off non-managers can be applied to relationships:

Be more empathetic to your significant other
Do not look at her/him as stupid when they s/he doesn’t understand you
Realize s/he is simply questioning why you are saying such and what do you mean in context.
Be patient
Repeat respectfully,
Be open to his/her point of view
Avoid defensiveness
Avoid personal attacks

Try these tips with family, friends, and at work. You will see an improvement in all your relationships.

The Captain of the World experiences humility

2011-02-22T12:32:00.000-08:00

Are any of us really irreplaceable?

“We decided to go in another direction,” I was told by the assistant manager.

“What does that mean?” I asked after being called into his office.

“Bob and I don’t feel things are working out the way we think they should.”

“I’m not sure what you are saying,” I said with a puzzled face.

“We are letting you go.”

I was stunned.

They are firing me? I thought to myself. How could they fire me? I am the best manager in here. I’m the only one who knows how to do things right. I am the only one the employees listen to. The other managers don’t relate to the employees like I do. The crew is always asking me about things. I am the go to guy, I keep this company going. Surely it won’t stay in business without me.

I protested to the assistant manager, “Why? Why are you getting rid of me, I am the best manager here. I have the crew on my side.” He responded, “That is the reason we are letting you go, you are alienating the employees from the management team. You are causing a division in the store.” I couldn’t understand, “They work harder for me than any of the other managers” I protested again. “What can I do better?”

“I am sorry, the decision is made.”

I was devastated. They don’t know how many times I saved their butts. They just didn’t appreciate all I have done; now they will get their due and all of them will be out jobs.

Really, this is the way I was thinking. I was sure they wouldn’t survive in business without me.

McDonald’s has been doing very well without me since I was fired in 1972.

I started working there in High School and moved up through the ranks to assistant manager. I was a “know it all” and Captain of the World. I was the only one who knew how to do things right. I had no humility. I was simply the best.

This attitude did not do well for me in the long run. In a space of three months, I lost my job, my wife left me, had to hide my car so it wouldn’t be repossessed, and was 3 months behind on my mortgage when I received a letter that the bank was going to foreclose.

The Captain of the World didn’t really know too much after all. The “know it all” was failing miserably in his life. At first, I blamed everyone for being so stupid.

This humiliating experience of being fired brought me back to “earth.” It was the best thing that could have happened to a “know it all” bully like me. I learned a lot about myself in those days; however, the most important lesson I learned was humility. The ability to admit I am often wrong and I can learn more by listening than by telling.

Are we approaching potential buyers the right way?

2011-02-18T13:12:00.000-08:00

Do we entice people to buy on our terms or theirs?

Imagine yourself out in the ocean, just off the coast and you are going to fish for salmon. The sky is blue with a few white clouds and the sun is just appearing over the horizon warming the air. The boat is rising and dropping in a slow methodical slide over the series of endless water swells. You feel fantastic; the air is crisp and fresh. You take a deep breath and exhale salt air. It is the perfect day for fishing.

You arrived at your fishing spot, just turned off the engine, and listen to the seagulls, the light wind, and the splashes of sea chickens diving for a meal and surfacing for air. You see ball of herring breaking the glass like water resembling rain drops.

Suddenly, your heart begins to pound faster and harder seeing the big ball of herring. Finding bait fish is always exciting because where there are bait fish, there are salmon.

Quickly, you reach below in rushing to get your fishing rod out of the storage area, hook it together, put on the flasher and a hook at the end of the line. Next, you reach into your cooler, grab a cold beer, hang it on the fish hook, and put the beer baited hook into the water waiting in anticipation that soon you be fighting a 20 pound salmon on the end of your line.

How many fish will you catch today? You are seriously delusional if you think you’ll catch a fish in this fashion.

It sounds silly doesn’t it? No fish is going to bite a hook baited with a can of beer—of course not.

However, as silly as that sounds, it is exactly what we do when we are trying to persuade our friends, sell our products, motivate our employees, convince an organization to hire us, get our children to do what we want, etc

We tell our friends why we should go out for Chinese food because “I haven’t been to a good Chinese restaurant in a long time”—beer can on a hook.

“I think you should buy this product because we are trying to lower our inventory and having a big inventory reduction sale”—beer on a hook.

“Do your job and do it right because my tail is on the line and I don’t want the boss yelling at me”—beer on a hook.

“You should hire me because I am good, I need a job, and I have bills to pay”—beer on a hook.

“Clean up your room, my friends will come over here and think I don’t teach my kids to clean up after themselves”—beer on a hook.

Fish won’t bite my beer baited hook because they can’t open the can and probably would not like what’s in it. In order to catch fish, I’ve got to put myself in its shoes—I know fish don’t have shoes; it’s a figure of speech—and try to imagine what the fish want. They want herring, or squid, or a worm, or a fly to eat. I don’t know what they want to eat that day so when one bait doesn’t work, I try the nother.

We can all remember this when trying to convince people to do what we want. We must find out what others want first and make sure they get it.

Empathy is a wonderful thing; we put ourselves in the other person’s shoes and try to see the world from her/his viewpoint. If we can combine empathy with a good dose of humility, then we can persuade our friends, sell our products, motivate our employees, get that dream job, and even get our children to clean up their rooms.

Sellin' Ain't Tellin'

2011-02-17T14:49:00.000-08:00

Are you a good listener?

“What’s better?” The customer asked me, “The RCA or the Sony?”

I puffed up my chest feeling happy about the question because now I could spill out all the knowledge I had been accumulating on the products in the television department. It was my second week on the job and I had been studying all the products non-stop for those two weeks. Finally, I could impress someone.

So, I let it rip. I told that poor customer everything I knew about the RCA TV’s, then everything I knew about the Sony TV’s. He stood there dumbfounded and listened to my entire pitch. Finally, I stopped feeling very confident and happy about myself.

The customer responded, “Wow. That was a lot of stuff. You know your televisions.”

I stood there smiling when he followed with, “That was so much information, I forgot my question.”

“You asked which was better, the RCA or the Sony?” I repeated proudly.

“And, what was the answer?”

“The Sony,” I sheepishly said.

“I’ll take it.”

Learning my lesson, I shut up and walked over to the cash register and took his order.

I remember—in my interview for this company—the hiring manager asked if I was a good listener.

“Of course,” I replied, “Sellin’ ain’t tellin’” I confidently told my interviewer quoting a famous salesman, Zig Ziglar.

He hired me; however, on my first sale, clearly I didn’t listen. I could have sold that guy a Sony in a minute with one sentence and moved on to another sale rather than trying to impress myself with all my knowledge on TV’s had I simply listened to the question.

Are good manners important in this high tech environment?

2011-02-10T16:04:00.000-08:00

Are we becoming inconsiderate while staying "connected?"

“Hi, I am Rod Mattson,” I said while extending my hand to the saleswoman as she entered my office. She put her smart phone into her left hand and extended her right hand. We shook hands. She introduced herself. I motioned for her to sit down at a round table and rather than sitting behind my desk, I sat at the round table too.

“I was expecting you about 35 minutes ago.”

“Oh, I am so sorry, I got behind on a couple of earlier appointments, and I’ve never been to this part of town. Again, I am very sorry.”

“No need to apologize.” I said, “I have used the time productively, it’s just that our meeting will have to be a little shorter, is that OK with you?” She graciously agreed.

We shortened the small talk and got down to business. She began to tell me about her products. She represented a publishing company and began telling me about the publications that would help my business. Skillfully, she was talking in terms of my benefits.

“These books offer the latest information on communication training, ideas for curriculum, and group exercises.” She continued, “You don’t have to reinvent the wheel here. Rather than developing customized training, you can spend your time marketing, while doing your training, and other revenue producing activities. This will take the burden of writing and customizing off your schedule.”

“What’s that?” I inquired.

“We publish and distribute communication training material. That’s what you do, right?

“Yeah, but, what’s that?

“Communication training material? It is books, workbooks, leader’s guides and pamphlets on communication training programs.”

“What is that?” I insisted.

“Mr. Mattson, am I missing something here? I represent (the name of her publishing company) and we specialize in training material.”

“No, I’m asking what is that?” I repeated while again pointing at the smart phone in her hand observing her fingers flying all over the key pad as we spoke. This is the first time she looked up at me. She was talking and texting at the same time and we were not communicating clearly as I asked about her phone while pointing at it. She did not see my nonverbal communication; therefore, she thought I was asking about what she was saying, not what she was doing. She became frustrated, embarrassed, and defensive.

“Oh, I’m sorry, this is my smart phone and I was texting my next appointment telling her I was running late, and texting my boyfriend that I couldn’t met him for lunch today as I was running to far behind. That’s rude isn’t it?”

I respectfully responded, “That is a judgment call on your part.”

I wasn’t sure what to do; but, looking at this disheveled lady, who clearly set 10 hours worth of appointments into an 8 hour day, I decided I wasn’t going to do business with her.

So I stood up, offered her my hand and politely said, “Thanks for coming in; however, I have an appointment at the top of the hour and I must go over my preparation before the meeting.”

She looked bewildered, took my hand and walked out of the office. About 10 minutes later, I got an email from her:

Mr. Mattson, i hope i didn’t ofend u…r u mad at me for texting while talking to u…pleez give me another chance, i won’t use my phone in front of u

Maybe I am old school; however, I am sure most of you would agree with me that good manners are important. Clearly she still doesn’t know what she did wrong and probably thinks I am a jerk. However, this happens more times than I care to count. She probably thought she had good manners by letting her next appointment and her boyfriend know that she was running late.

What would you have done if you were her, or if you were me? Was I rude too?

What is Communication?

2011-02-08T13:39:00.000-08:00

Communication is the essence of everything we do in our lives.

In business and relationships, the number one concern with people is communication; however, when pressed, we can’t seem to define the word, communication. It’s like the words prejudice or beauty, “I can’t describe it; but, I know when I see it."

Our bosses think they are great communicators; however, we think they are terrible. Our significant others think they are great communicators too; however, we tend to think differently.

What is communication?

My answer to the question sounds flippant but, it is fun to say:

Communication is the process of Human Beings responding to the symbolic behavior of other persons according to Communication Scholar Ron Adler.

This sounds simple; however, It is very complex. We have three important words in this definition to consider here: Human, Process, and Symbolic.

Human: we will narrow the scope of communication for this article to be between or among humans only.

Process: communication is a process which means it is ongoing. If we agree that it is a process and a process is ongoing, then we can conclude that we are always communicating. While we are talking to someone we notice the following: hair, clothes, looks, body type, tattoos, piercings, body language, etc. Often times we don’t even listen to them because we are noticing all these things and forming judgments based on our past experiences.

Symbolic: communication involves verbal and nonverbal symbols. What are symbols? Anything we use to communicate—language (written and spoken), signs, gestures, expressions, time, smell, touch, sight, ceremonies, traditions, attitude, etc. The most important thing to take from the notion that communication is symbolic is the following:

The meaning of Words and Symbols lie in people depending on context, situation, and relationship. Therefore, the meanings of words and symbols are different for everybody. That is why we so often miscommunicate. We are interpreting words and symbols differently therefore we behave differently and when we behave differently than others think we should based on their meanings, we have miscommunication.

The way each of us interprets words and symbols become barriers to effective communication. Barriers to communication are all around us and impede the spirit of effective communication. Barriers often cause miscommunication and result in different meanings than the source intends. Barriers are numerous and we can list thousands of them. The following are a short list of the most common barriers:

Age

Attitude

Values

Beliefs

Race

Religion

Hearing ability

Disabilities

Social Status

Educational level

Economic Status

Drinkers

Drug Users

Smokers

Gender

Sexual preferences

Hobbies

Interests

Political beliefs

Etc.

If we create a picture of communication it becomes very complicated and we can see that communication is complex.

People who can communicate what they mean have the following abilities: Possess a wide range of behavior, have the ability to choose and perform the most appropriate behavior, have the capacity to empathize with others, have a cognitive complexity, and can self monitor one’s own behavior.

There is no ideal way to communicate as we all have different backgrounds, personalities, and interpret experiences differently. We have different abilities to relate to others and how we communicate depends on the situations we are in.

Have you ever seen someone go up to the boss and say something outlandish and you just cringe because if you said it, the boss would be mad at you; however, in this case the boss laughs with that person. It is how we relate to others and the situation at the time. That is why communication is also situational and relational.

However communication, even though it permeates everything we do is not a panacea of a perfect life. It will not solve all our problems, it is not always a good thing, it does not require complete understanding, more communication is not always better, meanings of words are not the same to everyone, and it is not an easy process.

Often times, I wonder how we communicate at all.

Are you good at multi-tasking?

2011-02-04T12:51:00.000-08:00

Researchers have found that doing more is actually doing less

In a communication class, I brought up the notion that we are not very good at multi-tasking. This comment was received with a large amount of opposition—understandably. I know many folks believe they are excellent muti-taskers—especially the younger generations. However, I notice in classes that those with laptops and smart phones often ask questions that have already been answered. However, I can not take unscientific observations and anecdotal incidents to make this broad claim. So, I did some research.

What I found was quite surprising. All research I read found that we are not successful at multi-tasking regardless of our practice, experience, or gender. In fact, one researcher found that the more strongly one believed s/he was good at multi-tasking, the worse s/he really was. Even more surprising, the serial multi-tasker was found to not only be less successful at multi-tasking but less successful at doing things one at a time. This leads to the conclusion it is possible that multi-tasking actually causes other cognitive impairments.

In the classroom, the discussion became heated and lots of anecdotal stories on successful multi-tasking and of the demands of being a college student, working, raising children, and maintaining relationships required skillful multi-tasking. I agree with the need; however, I don’t believe we are very good at anything when we are doing so much. Is it better to do things one at a time with full attention rather than doing many things at once? I believe so, especially when it comes to communication effectiveness.

When we are receiving many signals or information from several sources, it is impossible to filter out the irrelevant information from the relevant. It gets all jumbled up in our minds. And, when we try to recall information, it is mixed in with lots of irrelevant information according to Dr. Clifford Nass of Stanford University.

One woman was adamant that she could multi-task effectively—she had to with her busy schedule. I talked about the findings and handed out copies of a couple of research papers on multi-tasking and an assignment was due on the reading. One week later, I got the following email from her (this is exactly how she wrote it, I did not correct grammar or spelling):

I just wanted to share my experience yesterday of a perfect example that multi tasking does not work. So I left class Wayside and meet a friend for lunch at the Ram. As we were wrapping up I had received several emails and missed calls on my phone. So I was trying to wrap up my conversation with my friend, call my daughters school back, call my other daughter back. So i said goodbye so I could finish. I decided to stop by the bathroom on my way out as i was still glued to my phone checking an email from my instructor and goggle chatting with my boyfriend. I went in to the stall of the bathroom, did my business and heard an odd noise in the bathroom. I looked under the stall and there was an odd pair of shoes as well. What the hell i thought. To my suspire I had went into the men bathroom right by the urinals and did not even notice. I stood in the stall waiting for the man to leave and felt like a complete idiot lol....So for me multi tasking has got to stop lol. I need to make more time in my day to get the less important stuff done :) Hope you enjoyed lol! See you all on Monday

Even one of the staunchest defenders of multi-tasking softened up a bit. It is a good story to share with everyone. Do you believe you are a good multi-tasker? It makes me wonder why our bosses in the workplace insist that we multi-task.

Here are a couple of links to cutting edge research on multi-tasking. One is a podcast with transcript of an interview on NPR with Dr. Clifford Nass, the other is a paper on how multi-taskers were tested.

Dr. Clifford Hass on Multi Tasking NPR Podcast and Transcript

Adam Gorlick's Article on Multi Tasking

Now for my Third and Final Point; it's Mystical

2011-02-01T13:35:00.000-08:00

Keep Your Meetings and Presentations to Three Main Points. “Only use two to five main points” is the advice preached by most speech writing experts; however, I disagree. I recommend you get more specific and not do two, not do five, but do three main points for speeches, meetings, and presentations. There is a big risk in doing two, four, or more. The words, “Now for my third and final point” is music to the ears of the audience members. If they were dozing off, they will perk up because they know the end is near, it’s almost time to eat, and they will think, “I can listen to one more.”

We, as a society, have an affinity to the number three. Third time is a charm. We do things in threes: we believe bad things happen in threes, we believe good things happen in threes, and we believe famous people die in groups of threes.

Since we like threes, people respond better to groups of threes, remember better when limited to three things, and are satisfied by three estimates. Stories are told, acted, or written in threes: a beginning, middle, and end; or, an introduction, body, and conclusion.

We are attracted to blonds, brunettes, and redheads. Our flag is red, white, and blue. In the cycle of life, we were born, we are living, and we will die; it is our past, present, and future.

When describing our day to a significant other, it is in threes again, we went to work, worked all day, and came home in our car from one of the big three—Chevrolet, Ford, or Chrysler. For a change of pace, we go out to dinner for Chinese, Mexican, or Italian. Our day is morning, afternoon, and night. They say that the All American meal is a hamburger, fries, and a Coke. I guess that depends on where you live; in the South it could be a slice of hook cheese, an RC Cola and a Moon pie.

And that is barely scratching the surface of threes. We live in a 3 dimensional world, we laugh at the 3 Stooges, Third Rock from the Sun, and Three’s Company; however, we also think three’s a crowd!

What is our fascination with threes? The number is everywhere, even in our values. Dr. Laura Schlessinger preaches about responsibility, commitment, and sacrifice. We cling to our attitudes, values, and beliefs. Churches ask us to pray to the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit to recognize our sins, repent, and ask for forgiveness.

Our bosses demand we be on time, work hard, and have fun (I don’t know how those go together). And, our spouses ask us to get our priorities straight: God, family, and our jobs.

I never noticed this “three things” phenomenon until I started teaching my third speech class, at my third school, in the third year of my teaching career. I would always prepare three topics for every speech class, teach three speech classes a quarter, and teach three quarters per school year. It’s a mystique, mystical. and mystifying.

Now, for my third and final point—from memory, observations, and experience, I am sure anyone reading this has already thought of at least three more things that come in threes. Three sentences to a paragraph, three paragraphs for the body of an essay, and three points to a speech—It’s mystical!

Mattson Communication Training

www.MattsonCommunication.com

The Difference Between a Rut and a Grave

2011-01-26T12:03:00.000-08:00

"Do you know the difference between a rut and a grave?" The old man asked me this question as I hurried past him. "No," I said. He replied with, "the depth."

A Rut and a Grave

The security officer poked her head into my office and declared, “Mr. Mattson, the store is opening in two minutes and the electronics department (TVs and stereos) are not turned on.” This angered me as I was interrupted by the fact neither of the two salespeople were on time and I stormed downstairs to get the department ready for business.

As I was scurrying around turning on the TVs, an elderly man about 80 came in. He looked very fit, about 5’ 2” tall, 130 pounds or so, wore a sharp leisure suit, white shoes, and a fishing hat with many different fishing flies pinned to it.

He started asking me questions about televisions. I was still angry and even more so with this silly looking old man interrupting me while I was trying to get the department opened.

My answers to his questions were curt; simply yes, no, or I don’t know. I didn’t stop powering on equipment while he was talking. I was “multi-tasking.” When I moved over to the stereo side, I stated to him, “Keep talking, I’m listening.”

Suddenly, he spoke out in a soft but stern voice, “You look like a man who hates his job and has no time for customers—the essence of your work.” I suddenly stopped; I was shocked. He called me out on my rudeness. It wasn’t in an angry tone such as, “Can I see your manager!” He was very polite; yet, to the point. I immediately apologized to him explaining I didn’t mean to be rude I simply got caught up in getting a task done.

After a long pause, clearly he wasn’t buying my explanation, he looked me in the eye, and in a fatherly way, challenged me, “You look very sad; you look like a man in a rut.” I was taken aback by such frankness, and while I was on my heels taking in this statement, he followed, “Do you know the difference between a rut and a grave?” I replied, “No I don’t.” He stared harder into my eyes to emphasize his answer in a soft but stern voice, “The depth!”

Reeling from his answer, I put my head down to consider the implications. Suddenly I mumbled to myself, “I’m a dead man walking! I am living like I might just as well be dead.” He was right, I was sick of my job; almost every morning, I tried to create a new excuse on why I could call out for the day. When I couldn’t, I dreaded the upcoming day.

It was a terrible rut, I spent 5 days looking forward to two, and I spent those two dreading the next five.

I looked up to tell him he was right, and poof—he was gone! I hurried around the floor to find him. An old man couldn’t have gotten far on this floor; surely I’d find him to thank him for the insights and to apologized again for my behavior. I never found him or saw him again—ever!

All day long, I thought about this exchange. At 5:30PM that day, I walked into personnel and quit my job of 12 years on the spot. I have never regretted that choice. It was one of the best decisions of my life.

That was 1993. Afterwards, I rediscovered that proverbial “fire in the belly” that I experienced in my first six years at the store. I could see unlimited possibilities.

I am not advocating you quit your job as there are many options to get out of a rut, I just happened to choose quitting a job as my way out of the grave.

Are you in a rut?