Focus on the Wood, not the fire

Are you looking to improve your public speaking skills? Public speaking is more than simply trying to look good in front of a live audience.  We approach it as a science in making the audience look good.

The principle is counter intuitive to many people and our competitors.  Many say they are audience focused; however, then they tell you how to “look good” and how they will “improve your performance.”  Using the metaphor of building a fire to warm yourself.  Do you put wood on the fire to make it bigger or do you hope and wait for the fire to get bigger, then throw more wood on it?

Focusing exclusively on the audience is throwing wood on the fire to make it bigger, focusing on your performance is looking for a big fire to throw wood on.

Even though there are tens of thousands of excellent presenters, most presentations are poor in terms of communicating a clear message.  I sit through hundreds of presentations a year and ask people around me about the presentation. 

I ask questions like, “Did you enjoy the presentation?”  

He or she mostly responds, “Yes, it was excellent and the presenter was excellent and fun to listen to.”  

I follow up with, “What single idea was most important to you, or what point will you take from this presentation and use in your work or private life?” 

This person almost always replies, “Oh, lots of things.  She was great, I’m glad I came here.”

 I press on, “Can you recall any one specific thing?”  

Commonly, they respond, “Oh there are so many things it’s hard to pick just one.

” 

I always back off at this point.  Clearly, the speaker entertained and left a nice impression, but, did not communicate his/her message.

Do I just find people who “don’t get it”?  I think not, it has happened too many time, thus I suspect the speaker. The point I am making is that most speakers, although great performers and very likable, do not start out with a clear message and thus the audience loves the speaker, yet did not benefit from a clear message or call for action. 

Could this be you?

Is it worth it to stay at a job you hate?

I was dining with a friend at a higher priced restaurant the other night; it was a celebratory birthday dinner.  We had reservations and were seated promptly.  The restaurant was jam packed, so when our waitress arrived at our table, she was obviously harried.  She proceeded to tell us that none of the other patrons had reservations, thus only 2 servers were working that night.  So, “they better be prepared to wait.” 

As soon as she walked away, my friend commented, “Now there is someone who needs a new job.”  Of course we all have those days, and having worked in retail for many years, I’ve had a few of them pop up myself.  But, it started an interesting conversation: how many people are hanging on to jobs they hate?  Do we need to be miserable in order to collect a paycheck, even in a slow economy?

Let’s be grateful

As I mentioned earlier, good manners and true professionalism seem to be occurring less and less.  However, upon further introspection, it came to mind just how many fantastic experiences I’ve had with customer service representatives. 

I often take my 90 year old mother grocery shopping.  She likes to go to a “bargain outlet” type store, where the prices are more affordable.  However, part of the “bargain” is that we bag our own groceries.  On this particular occasion it was raining cats and dogs, so I hurried outside to bring the car closer.  I ran back in, fully intending to bag her groceries, and much to my surprise, the checker had already bagged them!

She could have left them to pile up, but she didn’t.  She had no obligation to do this, but what a help she was!  My mom was so appreciate, and let it be known to the checker and thanked her for her kindness.  The checker glowed with her gracious treatment, and I could see how much a little bit of thankfulness meant to her.

It brings to mind the number of times that salespeople and customer service representatives go the extra mile without even a smile, much less a “thank you.”

As a few readers of our blog pointed out, often a checker is ignored altogether while the customer chats on the cell phone.  Sometimes the representative from the bank receives a good, old fashioned tongue lashing for something that is beyond his/her responsibilities, yet they handle the problem with no complaints. 

Many thanks should be given, but are not.  We might take a moment to thank all of the unsung heroes  who do stellar jobs and perhaps don’t hear words of gratitude frequently enough. 

Where have the manners gone?

Recently, I was at the grocery store and was unable to locate their preferred “savings” card.  I only had a few items, and asked the clerk if she’d mind using her number for this transaction.  She brusquely replied that it is impossible for her to do that.  I had actually been in the store 2 weeks prior, and another clerk used her number with a smile and a “no problem” attitude.  Now I was in a situation here- do I call her out on the lie?  Do I just buck up and not get the savings since I was one who misplaced my card?

The incident made me wonder what has been happening to professionalism & good manners lately.  A colleague of mine gave a workshop last month, and he was dissatisfied with his performance.  Now, his quality was still incredibly high, but not to his standards, so he graciously offered the company a refund, in the hopes that good relations be maintained.  Yet, to my astonishment, the decision maker took him to task by verbally, rudely, and angrily bashing him, his company, and his skill level before collecting any facts-an unwarranted emotional outburst.  The lack of professionalism & disrespect he received was unacceptable in my book.

So, let’s all take a deep breath, look our customer in the eye, and smile.  Yes, the smile can even be heard over the phone.  I’m certainly not suggesting that a firm answer & even sometimes a stern tone isn’t warranted.  I’m not even suggesting that the customer is always right. However, let’s get our point across while maintaining a modicum of civility & decency.  Bashing someone only reflects poorly on the one doing it. 

Are personality inventories valuable?

The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator^® (MBTI^®) instrument is a questionnaire designed to make Carl Jung’s ideas about psychological type useful in everyday life. It identifies a person’s four basic type preferences that combine into one of 16 different personality types. These results help you understand normal differences in the way people think, communicate, and interact—differences that can be the source of much misunderstanding.

On the MBTI notion, it is unethical to use the MBTI for the selection process or in promotion interviews and considerations.  It is unethical to make those type of judgments based on the instrument.  The MBTI is only used to help people understand the different communication/personality styles.  It does not tell people their type.  Everyone can be any type they want.  One of the best things is its assumption that all 16 types are good.  The types are strictly defined as "preferences." 

Many "mainstream" psychologists find faults with the instrument; however, they are the same ones promoting other instruments.  One of the knocks I have on the MBTI is in the area of Reliability and Validity.  Thousands of research projects give the instrument excellent standing on these two important aspects; however, I noticed most are done by the Publisher of the test, or someone the publisher financed, or the Association on Personality Type.  So, it could be a valid concern.  However, critics have not done studies with findings one way or the other, they simply point out the flaws.

Besides, if people can pick their type and it makes them feel good, what is really wrong with that?  I don't agree with some of the pop psychology out there today; however, if it makes people feel good, and they change their lives for the better, who am I to be critical? 

Use your current Communication skills more often

Often, improving communication skills will help with your organization’s morale and thus productivity.  It can also increase sales on sales calls.  You don’t have to try “new” techniques, or different ways of “manipulation;” all you need is to do is a few things you naturally do; however, you do them more often. 

Try to do more of the following examples and you might be surprised at the huge impact these little things make:

Smile more. When dealing with employees, vendors, and customers try to smile while you are talking with them and make them feel you are happy they are talking with you.

Drop everything and listen.  When someone wants to talk with you, put down your phone, turn away from your computer, stop writing notes, turn your chair towards the person, put your hands on your lap or at your side, look them in the eye and listen.  Make that person feel like they are the most important person in the world to you at that time.

Catch people doing something right, or genuinely compliment people on specific behaviors.  When your employee, vendor, or customer says something profound, stop and complement her/him on the idea, when you see someone behaving in a good way, stop and tell them how you noticed he/she was doing a good job on that particular act.

Make people feel you are glad to interact with them.  
Try incorporating one or all four of these things in your everyday interactions and observe the huge    paybacks for simply making people feel important. 

Write me with your feedback.