Your mind has to be in the right place in order to improve
( 1st in a series of 6)
It was a big
mistake on my part.
I said,
“That was a fine presentation you just gave.”
“Thank you.”
“You were
very entertaining and interesting. I talked to other attendees and they too really
liked your talk,”
I continued, “I have one question, you covered a lot of
ground in 45 minutes, what would you say are the three most important points
out of all the points you made?”
At a large
industry conference, I actually said this to a well-known and well regarded
speaker. Even though his face crumpled
with a look of annoyance, he responded,
“All my
points are important.”
Without
monitoring his nonverbal expressions, I pressed on,
“Tell me your
three most important points.”
His face
became red, and he grabbed a paper with notes, and rattled off a few things in
no particular order of importance. Then
he slammed the paper down and exclaimed,
“Are you
satisfied?” His last word started with
an A_ _ and ended with _ ole.
I apologized
and walked away.
I felt bad;
I had just criticized a speaker way above my pay grade. He did not ask for my opinion and did not
want my opinion. I thought I knew better
than to make such a mistake.
Public Speaking is an Art
He is an
excellent entertainer and speaker with an implied depth of knowledge in his
field. He makes the audience feel good
and glad they attended.
A few
remembered some funny lines, but nothing of substance. Actually, I don’t recall anything of
substance. He may have but, if so, it
was buried in his stories—often times the speaker must “connect the dots” when
using stories to make a point. This is a shame because he thinks he is helping
people with his vast knowledge in their businesses when in reality he is simply
entertaining
Twenty to
thirty people lined up after the presentation to tell him how much they enjoyed
his talk.
This
feedback might be the root of his over confidence.
He didn’t
notice the 1,970+ that didn’t say anything—several even walking out early.
The purpose
of the Conference was to help small business owners grow their business.
Therefore, I suggest he could be more effective giving more consideration to
the science of public speaking.
Public Speaking is a Science
As effective
speakers, we must stick to one main idea and support it with a maximum of three
main points—a good guideline that is flexible depending on situation. Also, we must select the main idea based on
the needs of the audience. This is the science of public speaking.
I randomly
interviewed over 20 people attending (about 2,000 people were in the audience)
and not one could recall a point or will make any change in their life or
business after listening to his entertaining talk even though all 20 thought he
was a good speaker.
On one
level, there is nothing wrong with entertaining; however, he could be so much
more effective and a difference maker; but, he never will with his current
attitude. He is far from his potential;
yet, he thinks he has arrived.
This is
hubris.
Of course
who showed the hubris—me or him? I think
it was clearly both. I was way out of
line offering criticism to someone who didn’t ask, and clearly, he has a
self-serving bias to his speaking ability.
As good as
any speaker is, she can be even better.
Dropping all pretenses, stereotypes, and self-serving biases, where are
you? If you think you are a master of
public speaking and don’t need to learn anymore, you won’t. If you are fabulous, but think you can still do
better, you will—no matter your ability and skill level.
Let’s define our terms
“Hubris is exaggerated pride or
self-confidence” according to the Merriam-Webster
Dictionary. Investopedia.com goes further: “The characteristic of excessive confidence
or arrogance, which leads a person to believe that he or she may do no
wrong. The overwhelming pride caused by hubris is often considered a flaw in
character. While these hubris feelings are often justified, they often cause
irrational and harmful behavior.”
“Hubris is an excess of confidence: a boxer who
shouts "I'm the greatest!" even though he's about to get pummeled,”
according to vocabulary.com. They go on to say “…it just refers to
over-the-top self-confidence. If you call yourself the best in something, you
better have the goods to back it up, since too much hubris can lead to
embarrassment and humiliation.”
“Self-serving bias is our tendency to take credit for
success (self-enhancing bias) and deny any responsibility for failure
(self-protective bias). This helps to protect our ego. It also enables us to
confirm that we are meeting our goals,” according to ChangingMinds.org. For
example, if we get good feedback from a talk, we take credit for it, if someone
criticizes our talk we become defensive and dismiss the criticism as coming
from a dumbass.
According to Communication Research and Psychology Today,
a study was done to research a self-serving bias with a large random sampling
of businessmen. Asked how they rate themselves in their abilities to get along
with others, 60% rated themselves in the top 25% and an astounding 25% rated
themselves in the top 1% of the USA population defying mathematical laws. In leadership ability, 70% rated themselves
in the top 25% of the population.
“Self-confidence is an attitude
which allows individuals to have positive yet realistic views of themselves and
their situations,” according to the Counseling Center’ website at the
University of Illinois.
How does this affect you and me?
Hubris and a
self-serving bias throw us out of balance.
We need self-confidence to improve; but, once we cross the line into
exaggerated self-confidence we tend to focus on Aesop’s Golden Eggs (what is
produced—such as our bias towards our ability to give great talks) at the
expense of the Golden Goose (the capacity to produce—which in this case is our
ability to speak in public. We stop
improving). The late Stephen Covey
argues we must balance both.
In order to
balance, we must get our minds right and be open to seek out and embrace professional
improvement in our public speaking skill.
It’s not only for our sake; but, also for the sake of the audience
sitting in those uncomfortable chairs eagerly anticipating substantive and
concrete information.
Public
Speaking is a complex process that requires the following ingredients: Preparation, knowledge, self-confidence,
humility, and empathy combined in the right amounts that are different
depending on the situation and how you relate to the audience. That’s why public speaking is a balance of
art and science.
It is the
absence of hubris and a self-serving bias.
Rod Mattson
Bibliography
Aesop and
the Golden Goose http://www.umass.edu/aesop/content.php?n=14&i=1
Covey S.
(1990) The 7 Habits of Highly Effective
People p.54 Simon & Schuster New York.
Myers D.
(1980)“The Inflated Self” Psychology
Today. May. pp. 14-16.
Sypher B.
and Sypher H.(1997) “Seeing Ourselves as Other’s See Us” Communication Research
23 pp. 477-506.
Copyright
March 2013 Mattson Communication Training
Next article:
Motivation:
Get Others to Do What You Want Them to Do Because They Want to Do It.
The psychology of motivating,
persuading, and informing.
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